While I finish up my reports on Day 6, I thought I'd share a passage from one of my favorite writers, on healing.  Enjoy!


"It seems to me that almost all our sadnesses are moments of tension, which we feel as paralysis because we no longer hear our astonished emotions living. Because we are alone with the unfamiliar presence that has entered us; because everything we trust and are used to is for a moment taken away from us; because we stand in the midst of a transition where we cannot remain standing. That is why the sadness passes: the new presence inside us, the presence that has been added, has entered our heart, has gone into its innermost chamber and is no longer even there, - is already in our bloodstream. And we don't know what it was. We could easily be made to believe that nothing happened, and yet we have changed, as a house that a guest has entered changes. We can't say who has come, perhaps we will never know, but many signs indicate that the future enters us in this way in order to be transformed in us, long before it happens. And that is why it is so important to be solitary and attentive when one is sad: because the seemingly uneventful and motionless moment when our future steps into us is so much closer to life than that other loud and accidental point of time when it happens to us as if from outside. The quieter we are, the more patient and open we are in our sadnesses, the more deeply and serenely the new presence can enter us, and the more we can make it our own, the more it becomes our fate." — Rainer Maria Rilke

May is Women's Health Month.  If you're a facebook follower, you know that I've been tracking my Cigarette Free Days there.  I figured that I'd start to chronicle the rest of my journey here, along with my other missives toward my ongoing mission of creating habits of happiness, health and healing. 

I've smoked off and on for about 12 years now.  Seems like the onset of my habit came right along the time my then most serious heartbreak occurred.  I found my fiance to be a cheater, and to be expecting a child, 10 months before our planned wedding date.  My world turned upside down, my soul split in two, and grabbing a cigarette seemed like the thing to do.  After all, that's what I'd seen my mother, aunts, and various women go for the pack under duress.

(By the way, I'm interested in finding out what about me, attracts men who cheat on me...stay tuned for THAT story)

I also watched my mother die of lung cancer.  One of the most painfully drawn out processes ever to be witnessed.  Interestingly, rather than immediately toss my pack and commit to a smoke free life, I delved deeper into the habit.  Go figure.

I celebrated my 35th birthday just last week,  and decided to give myself the gift of health.  I made the decision that, in light of the reality that my marriage had a 90% chance of ending in divorce and all of the stress that accompanies that-- (studies report that divorce causes more stress than any other single event, with the exception of the death of a spouse)-- I deserve to be healthy, happy, and strong.

I made the decision to go at it Cold Turkey, which, I wouldn't necessarily recommend to those for whom smoking is an addiction.  Because I can go days without smoking, and will refrain from smoking when in the company of non-smokers, I've deduced that what I have is a bad habit.  A poor coping mechanism, rather than an addiction.

That said...what does Day 5 feel like?

Well... feels pretty okay, until I'm faced with a stressful situation.  That's when I most crave a smoke.  I FEEL the location of the stress in my body...a whirl of discomfort in my gut.  I don't like it.  I understand in the absence of smoking, that the smoking numbed this feeling. 

In The Ultimate Happiness Prescription, Deepak Chopra explains that if you are "with" your feelings, that you can actually differentiate them...say, fear from anger, based on where they lie physically. Chopra says that anger is felt in the gut...Which makes perfect sense. Every time I think of my marriage, my husband the whole she-bang...I get sick to my stomach.

Of course I'm angry. Now, the challenge is finding a healthy way to deal with and diffuse my anger.

Wanna read the book?  Get it here: 

What are some healthy ways that YOU deal with anger?

Set yourself up to giggle at least twice a month. 

 

I get my nails done.  Wife, mompreneur, and all around good friend, Brandy Michelle is doin’ it.  Artist, Writer, Fashion Designer, andThe Bomb Nail Technician. Mastress of the technique I’ve coined the "Pavè Nail."

 

Yin Yang Pavè

                                                          

   How does this make me giggle, you ask?

                                                                         

       

It’s all in the style. Between the intoxicating selection at the color bar, to the custom hand-painted designs, Brandy knows she’s got it right when I giggle.

And for roughly, $1.50 a day, I’m worth it!

                            

Tangerine Pavè

The  Pavè Nail.  It’s what I’m on right now. 

 

Spring’s around the corner, and a manicure is the perfect way to usher her in!

 

If you’re in the Metropolitan Detroit area, stop by Custom Eyes in the Eastland Shopping Mall, and ask for Brandy. If you catch her on Wednesdays, your full manicure is $15.

 

 

If nails aren’t your giggle spot, Custom Eyes is a full service salon.  Ask for Auntie.  Tell her I sent you.

 

 

 

The Magic of Making Up*, T.W. Jackson's (also know as "t dub") "ju-jitsu, judo method for saving relationships, isn't for you.   (*opens in a new window)

What do women really want??

Hell if they know.

I’m saying it.  One ofthe biggest problems with today’s relationships...

 

...is women.  Yes,you.

 

I asked over 125 women two simple questions:

 

What is a man’s responsibility in a relationship, and

What do you want from a man in a relationship.

 

Want to see what these women said?

 

...

 

don’t worry...I’ll wait.

 

That’s right.  Thesewomen on Twitter and the “Unhappily Married” social media groups, the ones thatare so quick to tell the world what’s wrong with their man, seemingly, don’teven know what it is that they want from their man...or any man for thatmatter.  That’s what the answers show.

 

We’re mad though. 

 

We’re mad because our men aren’t what we want them to be...aren’t doing what we want them to do...

 

Here’s a thought:

 

How can our men deliver on something, if they don’t know what they’re supposed to be delivering??

 

Sure, we can say what men are “supposed” to know.  My question is,

 

How?

 

Further, why would you leave your happiness to an assumption?  Isn’t your happiness worth the effort of knowing what it is, and what is needed to keep it?

 

I invite you to take 10 minutes, and think about what it is you actually want of your man.  Be specific.  For instance, if you say, “I want him to be considerate”--dig deeper.  What does considerate look like?  What would your man have to do, in order for you to say, “wow, he’s really considerate”.

You may just find that what you're looking for, is already there.

 

I’d love to see what you find, and help you get your man. 

 

You’re worth it!

 

Scheherazade